I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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