Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
