He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
