Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I won the penis lottery.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
