haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
