champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
