I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
