He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
