I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
