Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
