he puts the penis in happiness.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
