i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
