I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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