I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
