Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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