I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
