were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
