I cannot find my penis.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my being single is dangerous.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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