Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
