He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
