"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
