I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
