I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
