This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
