My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
