So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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