is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
