Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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