i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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