I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
