The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
