***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
"it" just moved
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
