just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
