I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
