I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
