I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
