U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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