Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
