There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
