i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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