Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
