Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
As shirtless as possible
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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