At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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