HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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