she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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