Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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