Please, let me fuck your mom
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
