i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
