I think I am morally bankrupt
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
