Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
